i've been disarmed

not yet, but soon. more to follow, more to come.

it's a sparrow in a hurricane and the hurricane is in my heart

This past weekend was brilliant and filled with moments that can make any man smile. And yet, at the same time, I'm tired and on trial, without faith and bitter towards love. When I started this blog in October of 2005 I only wanted to have a little place to write about what was on my mind. There was never any great theme or idea, only an honest hope to express myself just a little bit. Over the preceding 765 posts I've written about my career, friends, lovers and the emotions associated with living my own personal life. I am very proud of much of the writing on this site, even what has been vague has been meaningful and my freedom to write has allowed others in my life to get to know me better. Over time I've developed some themes, some overarching and ongoing threads, ideas that tie everything together. My writing has essentially been about attempting to find what can be good in this world and about the hope that love can still save anyone that needs saving. And today, after the past few days/weeks/months/years, I've decided that I don't believe in salvation. There is so much ugly in the world, so many people ready to make and break promises, ignorance and apathy, lost love, lost dreams....I'm overwhelmed by it all and have no faith that anything ever gets better as much as any person only gets better at coping and struggling. In the end my love ran out and I don't see a way out of the struggle. I don't want to write anymore if I don't see a way out.

If you've ever read what I've written here, thanks for reading. If you've smiled at an inside joke or I made you think just a bit it was all worth it. Somewhere out there I'll find another creative outlet and if it's worth sharing I'll share it with you.

Rockers. Jess. Mary. The 714. Justin. Cupp. My family. Friends. Heather. Condos. Everyone else. Thanks for reading.

Well. Bye.

another vague blog about memory, loss and the search for love and acceptance

God. But it won't be vague. It'll be direct. My day was great until I got another half sobbing phone call. I know we are all dying but I wish it wasn't like this.

Fuck it up Rockers and don't be afraid to die young if you can't handle growing old.

play ball

The Nate Oscamou and Bruce Martinez 2009 baseball bet


The wager is for a bottle of whiskey, winner's choice, under $50.

Terms are as follows:

A. If the Oakland A's finish more than 4 games ahead of the San Francisco Giants, then Nate wins.

B. If the Oakland A's finish less than 4 games ahead of the San Francisco Giants, then Bruce wins.

C. If the Oakland A's finish 4 games ahead of the San Francisco Giants, then the the following tiebreakers shall come into effect in their listed order, with Tiebreakers #2 and #3 only coming into effect if and when the previously listed tiebreaker ends in a tie. The contest ends as soon as one tiebreaker ends in other than a tie.

Tiebreakers (Nate associated with the Oakland A's, Bruce with the San Francisco Giants)

Tiebreaker #1: The team with the head-to-head record in regular season interleague play.

Tiebreaker #2: The team with a positive run differential in the head-to-head regular season interleague games.

Tiebreaker #3: A single arm-wrestling match between Nate (with an Oakland A's logo inscribed somewhere on his fighting arm) and Bruce (with a San Francisco Giants logo inscribed somewhere on his fighting arm) with the honorable James Dickas presiding as referree and judge.


Good luck

it's a prayer

And I'm living with it...all I want is something organic and natural, based on what I see and feel in the moment and not on a forced idea that anything ever has to be a certain way. Nothing fun has ever come from determining the end before the start and every single day is a reason to start again. The right path reveals itself with patience and a desire to live in the moment. No promises, no reason for regret. We can all still be beautiful and we can all show who we are.

Soccer is in 5 hours. I'm getting a goal. Got good reason for needing to put the ball into the net.

the one with the emo kids

Tell the story about the time the working man found a way to beat the emo kids at their own game. It started and will end with blood. Hey hey the working man. What I learned in El Salvador might just save me again because the fight isn't always in the town square as much as it's in the hills, amongst the trees and in the hearts and minds of the people.

Boomboxes And Dictionaries - T...