wanting a clean slate

I've been think lately about what a fresh start really means. Easter is the time for resurrection and redemption. Easter is the time to move into the light. In my life I've made many mistakes. I've let down those closest to me, shunned my family, lied for my own benefit, cheated on women I've loved and chosen to be defensive and mean when I should have been open and understanding. Currently I am in the middle of an average book. The central character, in his youth, professed his love to a woman. She told him she could never be with him because he wasn't capable of being tender and loving. Though he felt that at that time, in his youth, he was capable of being tender and loving, it later became a curse, a guiding principle, a lingering question, he may not have been that way then, but ever after it could only be true.

Words, actions and memory shape so much of who I am and how the those in my life feel about me. I want to forgive those that have hurt me and be forgiven by those I've hurt. The mistakes we made, all of us, instead of being curses, I want to break them apart and leave them behind. Life is terribly long and very hard and I waste so much of my energy on what I can no longer influence or control. There is always a next move and I'm going to try to make whatever I do next as positive as possible. Nothing from the dawn of time to this moment needs to matter anymore. It's the season for resurrection and redemption.